I'm angry & I want to eat!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So, the past two or three weeks have been nothing but stress for me and today, I was pushed to the limit by dealing with AT&T and all I want to do is eat!! I realize now just how much I relied on food to sooth my weary soul! I went online today to set up my payment for my phone bill for November 10th. Instead the damned website took my payment and processed it today! Now, I have to play hoola-hoops with my other payments because I can't pay them until I get paid next week. I am soooooooooo tired of dealing with money issues. I'm tired of working my ass off to barely pay the bills. We can't afford to do anything. Even going out to dinner anymore, as a family, is too expensive. We're not big spenders, we don't travel, we don't have exorbitant tastes in anything. I spend money on normal things a family needs - food and clothing and shelter. Yes, we have direct TV. OMG! We're so selfish like that!! Our cars are old and nothing fancy. How do all these people do it that only have the man working???? We make good money and yet, we struggle every month to make ends meet. Yes, we have a lot of credit card debt. How else can I afford clothes for me and Brittany? I had to buy new clothes with my weight loss. There was no option there. I went down seven sizes. I couldn't make what I had fit any more. I even bought a lot of my clothes off of e-bay. I cook dinner every night and I eat leftovers or soup for lunch. I don't go out to eat. Oh wait, I get my nails done every two or three weeks and that costs me $15. Well, that explains everything right there. Okay, I know I'm being negative. I need to get it out of my system and I can't go eat something. I am not going to get back into those old habits. I just wish, for once in my life, I could afford the things I want and not have to struggle. I have a good life but money takes all of the joy out of it. I'm stressed ALL THE TIME and with that stress, I become a total raving bitch. I get jealous, I get resentful. What can I possibly do to make my life better and not work myself into an early grave??? Ugh. You know what I want? I want to sit down with a plate full of brownies and vanilla ice cream smothered in caramel sauce. That's what the old me would have done. You know what, though? It actually doesn't even sound appealing. And I'd be sooooo sick if I even tried. Sometimes it's tempting though. I just know I'd end up feeling worse - both physically ill and the guilt of doing something like that after working so hard to lose nearly 100 lbs. would tear me up. So, I guess I have to keep on keeping on. I have no choice. And, tonight I have doctors appointments and then am helping my sister-in-law with some paperwork on health insurances. What I really want is to go sit in a hot tub so my aching back will stop hurting. My kidney stones have been causing me a great deal of pain today too. Wow....I'm one miserable piece of work, aren't I? lol...okay, enough of my venting. Till next time....