Turkey Day is coming! (11-15-2009)

Yep, it's that time of year again - turkey day, with all the trimmings...This year, we are not inviting a bunch of family over, so I'm going to cook a much smaller version of everything, which is great because I won't have all the leftovers hanging around, waiting for me to nibble on them. I did order an apple pie, though....so, I'm going to see about cutting it in half, cooking half and freezing the rest for another day. Sweets tend to be my weakness....always have been and always will be, I'm afraid. I am still maintaining my weight. Today, I weigh 127 lbs. I was at 129 and that scared the hell out of me, so I've been being a good good (well, except for the tiny little brownie I just had) and have gotten two pounds back off. I struggle with the crackers, so I'm afraid I am just going to have to eliminate them entirely from my house. Lou loves to eat crackers with dinner, but he is going to have to give them up for awhile. I just can't control myself. When they are here, I will not eat five or ten of them, I will eat the entire roll of them. In the matter of an hour. It's bad. Really bad. Wasted calories with absolutely no nutritional value. Not a good thing and not what I have been training myself to eat. So, bye bye crackers...I love you, but it's time for us to go our separate ways. Fatten up someone else, you're just not good for me!

My poor daughter has been going through some major stress over the past couple of weeks, with breaking up with her boyfriend - well, they are not officially "broken up". They are merely taking a break. Seeing her sad and crying breaks my heart and when I need comforting, it is easy to go back to the old tried and true comforts -- food. But, I am trying to keep from doing that and grabbing something to drink instead. Or gum. Gum is a good alternative, because it gives my mouth something to do and when my breath is minty fresh, I'm usually not in a hurry to put food in it.

Lou went out of town for a week and I was so good when he was gone - I don't even cook, really, because Brittany was out with friends or refusing to eat, so it was just me. I can get by on small meals, although I did have one dinner one night which consisted of a tortilla bread and a skinny cow ice cream sandwich. It filled me up, gave me some comfort but provided no nutritional value. But, it was only one night....so, I don't feel too guilty. I've also still been taking the biotin, and my nails are really starting to grow now. My hair too, although it has come back in twice as curly as it was before, which I have a love/hate relationship with. Trying to straighten it is just impossible for me. I've never mastered the art of straightening my hair, so the curliness has to be tolerated. I've cut it short, just above the shoulders and Lou is not liking it. But, I did it for me and I like it. Besides, I am 46 years old now....I don't necessarily need the long hair anymore. However, I cut it because the bottom portion was so danged stringy. Now, I am letting it grow out since it is thickening up. No where near as thick as it used to be, but that is a GOOD thing. And, it's curly but not frizzy like it used to be either, which I love. My skin is also getting really nice now - several people have commented about how healthy it is looking and that I look younger and glowing. I have really been doing my cleaning regimen on an everyday basis. Plus, now that my weight has leveled out, I find that the fat that is left over is redistributing more evenly over my body, which makes me look healthier. For awhile, my top half was looking too thin and bony, but it is leveling out now, which is nice. A part of me misses the boniness though, just because it made me feel like I looked thinner. The funny thing is, I still have days where I FEEL fat (today is one of them!). I look in the mirror and I see the tummy fat that won't go away without plastic surgery (yah, I have money for THAT to happen). Sometimes, I forget the journey that I have traveled, because I'm 18 months out and this new body is now my norm. When I go to shop, I still sometimes head to the Lane Bryant store before I realize I don't need nor can I shop there anymore. I will go to regular clothing and grab a size 6 and think that there's no way that will fit me, only to try it on and it be a little loose! It's a wonderful feeling, of course, but still strange. Sometimes, it seems like a dream. I used to go to bed at night and lie there and daydream about what it would be like to be thin, never really thinking it would be a possibility. Being thin and losing the weight was so hard without the bypass surgery - I couldn't do it. It was overwhelming and I was always so hungry and miserable. If I was lucky, I would lose 20 lbs. and then give up, binge and gain 30 back. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a chance at life. A wonderful opportunity to keep this weight off and be healthy.

Well, until next time ya'll. Have a happy Thanksgiving, enjoy yourselves and love and kisses to you all and your families...

Love & hugs,

Cyndie