Yes, I'm still here...(07/22/2009)

Hello world...yes, I'm still here and life has suddenly taken a turn for the better! It's funny, isn't it, how the emotional side of life is what seems to effect everything else in our lives. The greatest news we've had is that Lou finally found a job. And, not only did he find a job, but it's actually a GOOD job and he's liking it. So far, so good! He started on July 6th and life is suddenly infinitely better! I can actually pay a few bills without wondering if we'll have food on the table by the end of the month. For me, not having a lot of food is okay, but for Lou and Brittany, that becomes an issue.

I am remaining the same, weight wise, but my brain still tells me I am fat. I go back and forth on this carb roller-coaster which absolutely drives me insane. I go back and forth between 123-127 lbs. Normal people have fluctuations in their weight, just like I do. The minute that scale hits 126 or 127, I go into panic mode. But, within a day or two I have the weight back down a few pounds. I am still a scale whore. I'm on there every morning and every night. I don't plan on changing that. It keeps me honest with myself. And, it makes me focus on eating healthy throughout the day. I've been tired lately. More than tired, actually. I've been exhausted. I was thinking about that today and wondering why. I am getting in my minimal amount of proteins per day, BUT I am having them with my protein smoothie every morning and then I don't have much protein the rest of the day. That is where I think I am failing right now. I need to back away quickly from those dreaded carbs again and focus on 75% of what I eat is supposed to be protein. Plus, although 50grams of protein is my minimum requirements, I should be eating about 90-100grams of protein a day by now. Instead, I am filling up on calories that don't do my body good. So, time again to refocus on the health issues and not the hunger cravings. And, sugar. Oh Lordy...we won't go there. Let's just say, miniature candy bars and low fat ice cream are too much temptation for this little sugar ho!!!

So, healthwise, I still have a few issues I am battling, but nothing major. I went in for my yearly female physical and all came out well there, even the mammogram. Well, two mammograms actually. The doctor wanted to take a second set of x-rays because of "shadowing" in the first set of films. He told me I have "busy" breasts...lol. Basically, I have a lot of patterns and veins running through them. I told him it wasn't nice of him to flatten them when they've already gone through enough abuse over the past year with the weight loss. Thank goodness they don't point to the ground, at least! Let's just say, they're not fluffy anymore! lol

The only think that came back a little sketchy were my blood tests. For one, my potassium was a bit low so they put me on a pill for that. Problem solved there. The 2nd thing, my liver enzymes were a bit high. Now, this could be caused from the vicodin I take nightly for my fibromyalgia pain. However, remember I was popping these things like candy during the six weeks I had that stent in for the kidney stones. So, by taking so many of them and them being mixed with acetaminophen, well that can cause elevated liver enzymes. So, they changed my prescription to a different med called Norco and I am also taking some pills I bought over the counter called "Liver Detox" which is supposed to help your liver function better. I am supposed to go get blood tests this week, so I'll have to do that sometime this week or next. Hopefully, the next set of tests come back with a more normal liver enzyme count. If not, they will do an ultrasound of my liver and depending what that says, have me see a gastroenterologist. Whew...that was a mouthful. Anyways, I'm tired of doctors so I'm hoping the tests come back better. But, we'll see, I guess.

Brittany is working with me at my job. She was responsible for cleaning out this little house we call the apartment, which we use for storage and then she is in the process of painting it. She has complained every step of the way. She absolutely hates the work. She likes the money, but not the work. She makes me crazy. She was originally supposed to work from 8-2 every day, but I am luck if I get four hours out of her. Her car is also broken down right now, so she is using mine while I drive one of the company pickups. I like driving the truck - it's kind of fun. But, she complains about her car being broke down too. Teenagers....nothing is good enough, you know? lol

So, that's it. I am still keeping the weight off. Recently, I heard a comment was made about me that I would be fat again in four years, just wait and see. I was so livid when I heard that comment. Why do people feel the need to hurt people? Obviously, my goal is not to be fat again in four years. But, on the chance that I am, what difference does this make to the person that made this comment? Fat or thin, I'm still me. I'm still the same little sarcastic, wise ass little blond that I have always been and will always be. My weight doesn't change anything. For every insecurity I had as a fat person, I have just as many for being a thin person. I could sit and pick apart my self and list all my many flaws. As far as that goes, I could pick apart just about any one and list their flaws. But, I would never do that. I don't know. Sometimes, I just don't get people. Why can't they just be supportive? Like the saying goes, "If you can't say something positive, just don't say anything at all". That's what I try to live by. I don't always succeed, but I never purposely set out to hurt anyone.

There's no crackers left in my office....and I'm going CRAZY!! I want them so bad....I'm a crackaholic...no, wait....that sounds totally bad! Let's change that to carbaholic...yeah, that works...lol

Til next time ...